She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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