I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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