she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
