oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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