I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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