paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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