I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
