Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
should my penis look like a turkey
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
whose ass print is on the piano?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
