I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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