Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
