I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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