what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
