I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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