Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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