I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
