im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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