Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there was a trapeze. enough said
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
