im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
