just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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