Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize