just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
