and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
be right there i have to get my cape
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
