Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
