no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
