Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
