At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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