And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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