Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
