sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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