I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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