were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
