There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
last night I used snow as a chaser
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
