is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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