She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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