If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
