he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
