I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
