You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
