I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Green mimosas i think yes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
