Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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