Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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