just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
