Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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