Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
