Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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