Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
