Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
