I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The best revenge is premature balding
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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