you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
