we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
