There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
