so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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