This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
