I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
