he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
