i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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