so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
