Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we have pet lesbian snakes
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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