Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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