I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
