i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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