Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
