Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
