saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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