checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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