my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
