He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police