They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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