after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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