here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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