A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
