o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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