i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just high enough for therapy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
