OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
