i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
