I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
