I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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