We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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