I can text with my tongue
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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