he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
